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he smiles in a very self-conscious manner and i'm asking myself at this point who is he after all, who is this person in my flat? it's been only nine days so why do I feel such a torment when I think of his eyes and his muscular body? last night I had to actually explain to him that a single man is not a tom ford original script as he thought it was. and i have the impression that we use sex to make up for an otherwise dull conversation. he follows my body with his eyes. we discuss about japan and then about greece and then about israel. not the regular topics though, we stay away from those, but about the harajuku fashion, the sex parties in mykonos and the club where offer nissim plays in tel aviv.

he takes his t-shirt off casually and i become very conscious of my own body and feel a tingle of nervousness about my abs, though i pushed to 500 ab-crunches in the gym today. last night i was 78.5 kilos and this morning i was 79. i know this does not necessarily mean that i am getting fatter, but the notion of getting half a kilo in one night upsets me. we start to kiss and his breath is minty on my lips, i feel very awake and i get closer to him. then suddenly i think about this guy i saw yesterday on xtube, a random view from the section big cocks. i don't want to concentrate on this but it just popped in my mind so i have to run away from it. i kiss tony harder and i bite his neck while he goes down to my nipple. i hear the clock ticking on the wall though the music is too loud for this to actually be real. lily allen sings about a dog and about hanging around the house eating chinese or something pretty close to that. her soft voice fills the air in the room.

we fuck like rabbits. actually every time i engage in sex i think of rabbits in a way. not really thinking maybe, more like i feel i am a rabbit. i am a fucking hare with red eyes. my mind goes completely blank, it is not about him and it is not about me anymore, it is just nothingness, the apocalypse at past tense. and now these nine days feel like nine years, the time has lost its significance and the physics are masters over emotions. and i know that minutes from now, when my sexual tension would have discharged, i will fall down and love will remain up in the air, above my head. so i grab him and i push harder and tell myself this is life and i have to get on with it.